Shakespeare was right...

I know I haven't written for quite some time now, it's been almost a month. I've been taking this career planning course in order to get my funding for school. The government wants me to be absolutely positive this is the path I want to take in life. People tell me that this is a good thing they are making me do. It turns out it is.

When I started the course I was really depressed. I had been battling this depression ever since I got fired. I don't think I would have been ready mentally to start school if I had not been forced out of my dungeon for this pre-schooling career planning seminar. So, in a way I am thankful for it.

Gerry and I decided to try and work things out. He has sworn off alcohol. He says it's because he wants me more. I'm going to test it out to see how long this new-found zeal for me lasts. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol for three weeks, but that could be just because he hasn't got any money. He's not working right now.

I had a strange, yet touching encounter the other day. An older man started talking to me in a cafe that my friend and former employer owns. He told me I was beautiful and that I should never let anyone make me feel bad because of what I look like. He said the most important thing is to love myself and to be happy.

He's right.

I've spent too much of my life letting people make me feel like I'm less of a person because I'm big. I've let them grind me down under their heels. For too long I've let them define me, not let myself define me. I'm 31. So much of my life has slipped by me.

I'm not going to let that happen any more.

I'm going to live my life on my own terms; which is, living according to my Catholic faith. I will no longer ask others for permission to live, to be me. I'm just going to be...

And if people don't like that, if they are offended by that, then fine. They don't have to like me or accept me. There are 6.7 billion people on this planet, certainly there is ONE person who likes me and accepts me for who I am.

Of course there are already people who do. My point is that in the grand scheme of things, one person or even ten or a hundred people not accepting me is not really that big of a deal.

Shakespeare wrote:

"To thine own self be true..."

At 31 it's high time I start doing that, isn't it?

Pax Christi,
KaraLynn