I found this on my computer. It one of the posts I salvaged from my old Blogger blog before it got deleted. I wrote it a week after the death of my Papa John Paul II:

It has been a week since the Holy Father went home to his reward. His funeral was yesterday. I have not taken it very well. Yes, I am happy that he is in Heaven and not suffering anymore, but I still feel such a profound loss. It is like my own father has died.

I am a new Catholic. I started out as a Fellowship Evangelical Baptist, joined the Anglican tradition and have tried everything else in between. Becoming Catholic was not easy for me. I was suspicious that all the things I had been taught about Catholicism were true. You know the rethoric; "Catholicism is unbiblical", "Catholics worship Mary and statues and Saints" yadda-yadda-yadda. I literally spent hours researching the Faith, scrutinizing everything. Little by little the walls came down and I came to accept it. One defining moment was when I read the Holy Father's words referring to Protestant Christians as "brothers and sisters in Christ". It astounded me that this man would say this about them, despite the fact he probably knew that many of them considered him the Anti-Christ. I was overwhelmed with love that he would call me his sister in the Lord, even though I was suspicious that it was true. I was humbled by this undeserved love, and it definitely aided my conversion.

Then there came "the point of no return". It was Advent, November 2000. I was still a Catechumen. This is what people who are learning the Faith are called. My parish was having Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. For those of you who don't know what the Blessed Sacrament is; it is when the host has been consecrated by the priest and changed into the Body of Christ by the Holy Spirit. Jesus is then put in a special protective display case called a "monstrance" on the altar inside the church. People can then go and sit with Jesus to pray or just keep Him company. I went into my parish, curious about Adoration. Feeling very awkward because I wasn't "fully Catholic" yet, I knelt down in a pew near the back of the parish.

The sacredness of the atmosphere was overwhelming. I knew I was in the presence of holiness. I felt compelled to look up at the Blessed Sacrament on the altar inside the monstrance. At that moment, it was like a light shot into my soul and I instantly recognized that it is not merely a round wafer of wheat. This is Jesus Himself! I felt like Mary in the garden after the Lord's resurrection when she realized it was Jesus talking to her. Tears welled up in my eyes and started to flow uncontrollably. Years of pain came out with them as my deep spoke to His deep. Everything I had been searching for since I was 12 years old was there. I had found Jesus; not just in Spirit, but literally in the flesh.

It was at that moment that I knew there was no turning back. No matter how much I struggled with becoming a Catholic, I was going to do it. I did and have not regretted it one single bit.

My life has not been easier since I became a Catholic. In fact it has gotten more difficult. All of the gunk and infection that was buried deep inside came to the top to be dealt with. It is still happening. I am forced to deal with my problems properly because the way I used to deal with them are not options any more. This world is a dangerous, often confusing place. The only thing that makes sense to me is Catholicism. The only place of refuge is the Catholic Church. I cannot, do not want to leave. I know that if I do, I will perish in the deluge that is outside.

Pope John Paul II is part of the reason why I will stay here. His signature words of encouragement "Do not be afraid" resonate in my soul. I will try not to be afraid. The world does seem a little less safe without his physical presence in it. If he is not in Heaven yet (and I don't see how that is possible considering the absolute holiness of this man) he will be very soon. I know that his prayers will be more powerful there in Heaven than they were on earth. He will have received his reward, his fullness in Christ and the Beatific Vision.

There are many people I have to thank for my conversion. His Holiness Pope John Paul II is most certainly one of them. I attended World Youth Day a year and a half after my conversion. It will remain the second most significant time of my life. The first being my reception in the Holy Mother Catholic Church. I have never been so alive as I am now. I have a reason for living and now I have a faith that I would give my life for. Don't try to tell me about the "evil" things that the Catholic Church has done. I have heard it all before. Those of you who insist on using these as artillery are focussing on the wrong thing. You are focussing on the fallible, weak humans who make up the Church here on earth; not the glorious, timeless teachings of Christ that the Church seeks to proclaim and protect. The Apostles that were the early Church were weak and sinful human beings too. The first Pope, St. Peter denied Jesus three times. Yet he remained the Rock on which Jesus chose to build His Church. Our sins do not invalidate God's promises. Nothing can. Even if we perish in the everlasting fire; it is not God's promises that are destroyed, it is we who reject those promises.

I love my Catholic Faith and I love my Catholic Church. Nothing will ever change that. Papa John Paul II fostered that love because he was so full of it himself. He was the Vicar of Christ. The Supreme Pontiff and Shepherd. It is his love and devotion to Christ that made him who he was and in turn who we are as a Church.

Rest now, precious Papa John Paul. Thank you for all that you have given me. You were a light in this dark world and you gave us all hope so that we might not fall into despair. Go now into the arms of Jesus and Mary and hear the words:

"Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your Master." (Matthew 25:21,23)

I love you Papa.

Pax Christi,
KaraLynn