You Still Have All of Me...

It's the first day of 2007. It's amazing how your life can change in the blink of an eye.

I was meaning to write before today about this. I guess the emotional rawness I feel inside blocked my creative energy. Adam broke up with me on December 27th, two days after Christmas. I asked him what he really wanted and needed. He said that because he isn't emotionally ready for a relationship, he wanted to be single. At first I was very peaceful about it, perhaps it was just shock that he felt that way. Now I'm feeling broken, empty and like my future has been shattered into a million pieces.

I've never loved anyone like I've loved Adam. I've never opened myself up to someone as profoundly as with him. For him to say that he doesn't love me more than a friend and that it never was more than that really hurts me. More than I can put into words.

I told him I was fine with just being friends with him, but I realize that is not the truth. I cannot be just friends. I cannot keep talking to him as if I don't love him far more than that. This whole back and forth teeter-tottering has been going on for five years, and I cannot do it any more. I'm emotionally spent. I have nothing left to offer him. I must let go and go on with my life.

God knows what's best and wants what's best for me even more than I do. I place my hope that He has something better for me. Yes, even better than Adam.

Pax Christi,
KaraLynn