Finally...

I asked God Thursday to show me how to deal with the sudden death of my father 17 years ago and how I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I was relieved but distraught.

An inkling of the answer to my prayer came to me later that night. I was not sure it was what I needed. But Friday morning it became very clear that it is.

Last month, my class visited a hospice. It was nothing like I expected it to be. I thought it might be a dreary place, full of despair and sadness. It was far from that. It was warm and peaceful, with a sense of the Divine so profound I could reach out and touch it. We spoke with the Chaplain, a wonder lady who is very in tune with God and with the needs of people. She is very self aware as well. I was so taken by the atmosphere. I got nudges that it might do me good to volunteer there, but didn't pay much attention to them. Friday morning it all made sense.

I have this deep intuitive feeling that I will meet someone there, someone who is dying, with whom I can form a friendship. I enter into that end of life experience and make it my own. I can imagine that person is my father and in my heart and mind, work through the "saying goodbye" process, and finally say my goodbyes to my Dad. I don't know how I know this, I just do. I know that once it is complete, I will finally be at peace within myself. Just knowing the source of my anger after all these years has started me on that journey.

I am in awe and am deeply grateful.

Thank You, my Lord and my God, for once again answering my prayers. You never abandon us, but always seek to bring us to wholeness. I am beginning to learn that You only do it when we can be fully open to that wholeness, when we can handle it.

"Life is always a good. This is an instinctive perception and a fact of experience, and man is called to grasp the profound reason why this is so."

Pope John Paul II, Evangelium Vitae

Amen and amen.

KaraLynn