It's been the first few days of Lent. I've been somewhat successful at my Lenten practice. I gave up the internet for Lent. My plan is to read the New Testament, The Catechism of the Catholic Church and Divine Mercy in My Soul--The Diary of St. Faustina. I've been somewhat successful at this. The challenge is not giving up the internet. The challenge is to not fill up my time with things other than what I pledged, that is, the reading. There are a thousand other things that I am tempted to do instead. I have to admit there were a few times when I gave into those temptations. I know that the devil doesn't want me to read Sacred Scripture. He doesn't want me to deepen my understanding of my Catholic Faith. He certainly doesn't want me to have the strong grasp on God's mercy I so desparately need. So little things distract me and before I know it, the time is gone. Like my supervisor at work reminded us this week, an opportunity lost can never be regained.

There is one area that I pray this is not true--the man I love. His name is Adam and I broke up with him almost a year ago. There were many factors involved as to why I did it. I can't possibly name them all. The only thing I can say is that I now wish I had spent more time in prayer and consideration before I did it because I regret the decision. I love him dearly and I was so foolish to think I could live without him. Yes, I want him back.

The thing is that I broke up with him twice. I don't know if he'll ever come back to me. I pray every day that if it is God's will, it will happen. I loved him like I've loved no other. Ours was a truly pure and noble relationship based on friendship and love of God. He was my best friend in my darkest moments and he still is. I will never love any one like I've loved and still love him. This is one opportunity that I hope I can regain, but this time as a different person. I'm not the same person I was when I was with him. I've gotten counselling to take care of some of the emotional problems I have and I've gotten rid of one of the major sources of stress. For the first time in my life I know who I am. I like who I am. I am not unstable or insecure about the person I've become.

I just pray that Adam will take the chance and get to know the real me without all that baggage.

Not my will but Yours be done, O LORD.

Pax Christi,
KaraLynn